reShape

So ok, I know I have been, you know, MIA for little bit (read: for the better part of a month…or two) but I’m still in my little corner of the world trying to make it better.

This trying to get fit thing is def kicking my butt right now, in fact, I really don’t even know if I am doing it right. But here’s what’s happened since the last time:

• Started the C25k program
• Taking a workout class at school- Cardio Strength
• P90x is still kinda there
• Healthier eating FTW!

The C25k program is where I seem to be putting most of my energy. I am now in the second week, which is really the 4th week for me. I have decided to double each step of the program so it’s 2wks on one step vs. 1wk and I run 5dys instead of the recommended 3. Imma rebel. This decision comes from 1) my overwhelming lack of health/fitness and the realization that doing the program as is, given my health, would lead me to failure and 2) my neighborhood is one big uphill hill so it will give me the challenge I need that a normal track would not and allow me to build strength/fail the first week then kick ass the second.

The Cardio Strength class is just that… a “time to fucking wake up and get my ass kicked at 9:10 in the morning” class. That’s it. And with the addition of this class, P90x has kind of stepped aside in this process. I use it every now and again, but I need to find a way to get it back in my schedule.

And WHAAA!?! Me eating healthy? Psh, never. But it’s happening, I’m doing it and making progress for sure. I cooked kale for the first time the other night, I was afraid but I won, ate it, and it was delicious. And when I have to eat out (i.e. when I am working in the mall for several hours) I make sure to eat the most healthy thing on the menu. Duh.

So where am I now… today? Doin not so hot. Motivation for everything is down the drain. Didn’t go to my cardio class this week and the last time I ran, Wednesday, I was almost in tears by the end, not because of running pains but because it was the worst lap I have done and was so disappointed in myself for failing so royally. Since then I haven’t done any excising. I haven’t done anything really. And I have my reasons; extreme loneliness…. and that’s pretty much it. I mean, it trickles down to other “symptoms” but loneliness is very much the root of it all. Of course I can’t fix this, nor do I know how to, but this is not what this is about is it?

I just fucking got to get over it. I need to keep moving, I gotta be happy and this is it. I realize that the second I allow my self to fail I will and I’ll be depressed about it. But if I keep moving I’ll get all hot and sexy, and you’ll be like “Dayum!” and I’ll be happy. Tomorrow begins a new week. let’s go!

Other than pushing myself to work out and getting myself up early in the morning to do so, eating right and finding time to do so is seems to be my weakest point. Week one is nearly over and as I look back on what I’ve digested so far doesn’t surprise me but I can do so much better. However, I am proud of myself for being able to eat as healthy as I have been for so long, this, I think, is def a first for me and I like. I feel like I am starving half the time but I feel good for the most part.What I am not proud of is the lack of food I am eating.

Breakfast: In the past I would always skip breakfast and it was so rare for me that I would only eat it on Sundays if my mom decided to cook that morning, or if my grandparents from OH or TX were visiting, and sometimes on my December birthday.

Lunch: Lunch was less rare, but not by much. In middle school lunch was a “cool” thing, you would not be caught with out some kinda of lunch, school made or otherwise. I would like to think that I was cool back then, so I made sure I had lunch to eat and was always in the cafeteria. But as soon as HS school started lunch became a “social”. No one really cared if you had food or not, just as long as you were there. And I never really had money for food (read: spent allowance on other more important things like video games or something). That’s not to say I never ate. In HS I really honed the skill of mooching off others. But HS is when lunch became more and more rare to eat and my body just got used to hardly every eating lunch.

Dinner: Dinner was always a constant. In one way or another I would always have it and sometimes twice a day. I suppose to make up for the lack of lunch. The reason for this is because it was an outside-of-school thing and always provided. Sometimes the parents cooked; sometimes the family ate out; sometimes I would eat out with friends and their parents would pay; sometimes I had my own money to buy assuming it wasn’t spent on lunch or maybe I just had enough money for both that day.

Suffice to say, in each one of these meal periods, there was hardly a fruit or vegetable to speak of (except your typical burger toppings and whatever else). And today in college, or at least before this year, the habits remained the same, if not worsened. Throughout my first 3 years, it was really easy to go one day with only one meal to sustain me and usually that meal wasn’t had until later that day. And every time I had that one meal or two, they would more than likely be HUGE ones.

So how is this effecting me in this whole process? Well basically, I have no idea when and how much to eat. This is pretty challenging to be trying to change without any kind of guidance, but I guess this is what this is all about.

But if anyone has any suggestions or anything at all please, PLEASE, let me know. Eventually I will be grocery shopping, probably this weekend, so wish me luck on that!

Yoga X ✓= 100% completed

Moving Asanas

Runners Pose, Crescent Pose, Warrior One, Warrior Two, Reverse Warrior, Triangle Pose, Twisting Triangle, Chair to Twisting Chair(Prayer Twist), Right Angle Pose to Extended Right Pose and Grab. Prayer Twist from Runner’s Pose to Side Arm Balance, Warrior Three to Standing Splits.

Balance Postures

Tree, Royal Dancer, Standing Leg Extension

Floor Work

Crane (pre-handstand), Seated Spinal Stretch, Cat Stretch, Frog, Bridge or Wheel, Table, Cobbler Pose

The Yoga Belly 7

One-Legged Hamstring Stretch into Two-Legged Hamstring Stretch, Touch the Sky, Boat, Half Boat, Scissor, Torso Twist Hold, Deep Torso Twist Hold, Touch the Sky, Side Twist, Glute Stretch, Happy Baby, Child’s Pose, Shavasana (corpse pose), Fetal Pose and Meditation Pose.

Note: Notice how nothing has a check mark. I only got, say, 30min through this before I had to complete stop. This program I think is the hardest one I have done so far. This is the first time I have ever done Yoga before and it sucks. I am kind of beating my self up for not trying harder but, idk what to say really, I just couldn’t get through it.

Today I don’t think I made the best food choices.

Breakfast: Cinnamon Bagel with too much strawberry cream cheese

Lunch: Vegan Chipotle Chili with a bun, a slice of pizza and two medium sized cups (which were more like fast food restaurant smalls in my opinion) of the most amazing chai tea I have EVER had. With Soy milk thank you very much. Granted, I only got the second cup because it was so damn awesome and tasty to drink.

Dinner: Homemade Pork chops and rice, salad, and Peppermint brownie w/ peppermint ice cream and crushed peppermints on top. (didn’t overdo it, though I really wanted to on all aspects). But Yum for sure. And three beers.

Note how I went out and bought food at an establishment twice today. It’s the opposite of what I would like to be doing. It’s so much easier for me to think “Oh I have food at home I need to eat” especially when I know that the food at home will be like 10x healthier than what I would eat at restaurants I think.